Online Ballots

by Frank Riccobono

Advances in tabroom technology have allowed speech and debate tournaments to switch to online ballots. Knowing that, you may be wondering what it is the tournament staff does at tournaments in this brave new world. Allow me to tell you in the style of ABBA / Mamma Mia.

I’ve been looking for you since we blasted this round.
So I’m calling your phone since you cannot be found.
Where did you go? Are you somewhere near?
Where did you go? Are you even here at this site?
We’ll tell the students to just hold tight.
Just press “Start” as soon as you’re in the room.
Please press “Start” and let the speakers speak soon.

Online ballots, check your phone again
My, my, you’re supposed to judge now.
Online ballots, your ringtone again
My my, that’s a friendly nudge now

Yes, I’ve been very nervous,
Hoping the Wi-Fi service,
Stays strong so you can submit your ranks.

Online ballots, now the round is done
My my, we just need to know who won

I’ve been watching the screen looking for missing scores
Most the judges are done, I’m just waiting for yours.
And when you’re done, when you click submit
Look at the screen, and you have to confirm your ranks
Just do that and you’ll get our thanks.
Just two clicks and then your job is complete.
Just two clicks then to the judge lounge to eat.

Online ballots, check your phone again
My, my, you’re supposed to judge now.
Online ballots, your ringtone again
My my, that’s a friendly nudge now

Yes, I’ve been very nervous,
Hoping the Wi-Fi service,
Stays strong so you can submit your ranks.

Online ballots, you may want to say
“My, my, tournament’s so fast now”
Online ballots, it’s the modern way.
Bye, bye, paper waste is past now.

Online ballots, check your phone again
My, my, you’re supposed to judge now.
Online ballots, your ringtone again
My my, that’s a friendly nudge now

Yes, I’ve been very nervous,
Hoping the Wi-Fi service,
Stays strong so you can submit your ranks.

Online ballots, now the round is done
My my, we just need to know who won

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This work by Frank Riccobono is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.