Ski Shop Caper
by Frank Riccobono
Criminals need to buy their ski masks from somewhere...
(CASHIER is on stage behind a counter. ROBBER enters nonchalant)
CASHIER: Good afternoon, sir. Welcome to Frobisher’s Skiing Emporium. How can I help you?
JOHN: I’m just browsing, thank you. (looks around at the merchandise) My, my. Ski equipment is expensive these days. Business been treating you well this season?
CASHIER: Well, the economy being what it is, sales have been down, but business is still pretty strong. Do you do much skiing sir?
JOHN: Me? No. I can’t say that I have. I am in the market for some winter wear though. What are your opinions on these? (He hands the CASHIER the SKI MASK)
CASHIER: Both very good. High quality.
JOHN: Do they cover the face well?
CASHIER: As well as any other ski mask, I suppose.
JOHN: Great I’ll take one. And I’ll also take that candy bar.
CASHIER: (Hands JOHN the candy bar) Very well, sir. That will be $21.70.
(JOHN hands the CASHIER the money. He turns away from the CASHIER, put the candy bar in his jacket pocket, puts on the ski mask, and turns to face the CASHIER. He is very obviously holding the candy bar in his pocket pretending it’s a gun.)
JOHN: Give me all the money in the register! This is a stick up!
CASHIER: Sir, that’s a candy bar in your pocket. I just sold it to you. I saw you put it in there. And why did you bother putting on the mask? I already know what you look like. You were standing in the store for five minutes before you bought anything.
JOHN: Don’t try any of your mind games on me. Just give me the money and nobody has to get hurt.
CASHIER: Sir, if you don’t leave, I’m going to have to call the police.
JOHN: Hmpf. Coppers. I’d like to see them try and stop me. I’m a walking killing machine!
(JOHN takes the candy bar out of his pocket as if to threaten the CASHIER with it. Opens it, roles up his mask and takes a bite)
JOHN: Oops. (He realizes that his mouth is exposed too) I’ve been made!
(JOHN runs towards the door and bumps into the COP who was just walking into the store)
JOHN: All right officer! I confess to attempted armed robbery. Please don’t hurt me!
COP: What? I was just coming in here to ask if you knew anything about the Map Thief terrorizing the city. It’s nice to see criminals acting in plain sight again. It gives you a nice, warm and fuzzy feeling. (The COP punches JOHN and handcuffs him) I’m taking you in you little punk! (COP exits dragging JOHN with him)
CASHIER: Phew, that was close. Now I can continue on my master plot. No map in the city is safe from me, the Map Thief!
(CASHIER laughs loudly and manically and abruptly stops when the COP reenters still dragging JOHN)
COP: Did you say something?
CASHIER: No. Have a nice day, officer.
(COP leaves. CASHIER cackles as he exits in the opposite direction.)