The 35th Annual Villiger Speech Tournament

by Frank Riccobono

On November 21-23, 2014, St. Joseph's University in Philadelphia, PA held the 35th Annual Villiger Invitational Forensics (speech and debate) tournament. Now, 'thirty-fifth' sounds a lot like 'twenty-fifth' so...

ANNOUNCER (spoken)
Speaker ZY 123 will be answering the question: "Will midterm election results lead to an improvement in congressional approval rates?"

COACH (spoken)
After considering this important question, we can see the answer is clearly no
for three key reasons.

ANNOUNCER (spoken)
Congratulations! You have advanced to the final round!

COACH (spoken)
Haha! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

CHIP
At the 35th Annual Villiger Speech Tournament
The judges have just one comment:
Keep working on your diction.
And though we know we may not break.
W have a very deep, very deep

COACH, CHIP
Very, very deep
Very deep
Conviction!

COACH (spoken)
Our team captain, Chip Tolentino.

LOGAINNE (spoken)
COACH!

COACH (spoken)
And our youngest competitor, Logainne Schwartzandgrubenierre.

LEAF
At the 35th Annual Villiger Forensics Meet
I'll try not to forget to eat

COACH (spoken)
Leaf Coneybear

LEAF
And to control my pacing.

LOGAINNE
Alas
His pace is still to fast.

ALL
'Cause it's a very long, ten minutes
Hard to stay in time limits.
So, he'll have to keep on racing.

COACH (spoken)
Returning from last year's tragic setback, William Barfee!

WILLIAM (spoken)
It's pronounced Barfee; there's an accent aigu!

COACH (spoken)
Uh, I'm not sure who this girl is...

MARCY (spoken)
Marcy Park, recent transfer.

LOGAINNE
Winner's destination
On the finals stage

TEAM
Judges panel listen to your technique
And write a critique
All all about the way you speak
We speak!

COACH
It's a marvelous life event
If you win the tournament
What your successes represent --
You're good at public speaking
I see a trophy held by me
Qualified for states as well
Oh the stories I could tell
But forensics
Is not for glory seeking.

OLIVE (spoken)
Hi, I'm Olive Ostrovsky
Do you know where I check in?

WILLIAM (spoken)
Shut up!

LEAF
At the 35th Tournament
We try to win the argument

TEAM
What to do with GMOs
Or whether to legalize pot
People think we're
Out of our league
But that is exactly where we're
Not

MARCY
The judge says go

LOGAINNE
We breathe

LEAF
We wait

TEAM
If we want to break
We enunciate

COACH (spoken)
To enunciate is to say or pronounce clearly. not to be confuse with diction,
which means word choice.

LEAF
At the 35th Annual Villiger Speech Tournament

LOGAINNE
We talk until our voice is spent

GIRLS
And still our hands are shaking

WILLIAM
We are
The slightest bit bizarre

MARCY
But when the timer starts

LEAF
Be still our hearts

LOGAINNE
We shall all perform our parts
To concentrate
On breaking

ALL
We concentrate on breaking
At the 35th Annual Villiger Speech Tournament
We focus on our main event.

COACH
They're exceeding expectation

LOGAINNE, OLIVE
We know
We're learning useful skills.

BOYS
Which is a very nice, very nice
Very very very nice

ALL
Very nice, very nice
Very very very nice
Very nice
Foundation

COACH
35th Annual

TEAM
35th Annual

ALL
Villiger Speech
Tournament!

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