Zombie Love Song
by Frank Riccobono
In the Summer of 2009, near the beginning of the Twilight movie craze, I read an article predicting that Zombies would most likely be the next traditional horror monster to be romanticized. Naturally, I wanted to be ahead of the trend.
(GIRL screaming runs across stage pursued by zombies in a T formation with the CROONER in the lead. ZOMBIES make typical zombie groans as they cross the stage, but when the GIRL has left the stage, the CROONER is upset. As the song goes on, the GIRL returns to the stage, still keeping her distance from the ZOMBIES but seemingly considering the CROONER more seriously)
ZOMBIE CROONER: (spoken) No wait! Please let me explain.(music starts)
I've been in love with you
since I set my rotting eyes on you
(I hope my eyes don't smell to bad)
You're pretty — no you're beautiful
— and smart, you know I like a girl with brains.
BACKUP ZOMBIES
Maybe now more than before
ZOMBIE CROONER:
But if you'll let me through the door
I'll hold you forever more
I'll show you how great zombie love can be!
I am a Zombie.
That much is clear.
But I will always
Hold you dear.
You like chocolates
I like brains
There must be something
We can arrange
I'll bring you chocolates every day
I guess you can't bring me brains,
but maybe when we're married
You can let me eat your bridesmaids
BACKUP ZOMBIES
He never cared for wedding cake.
ZOMBIE CROONER
But If you'll let me in your life,
If you'll agree to be my wife,
I'll show you how long zombie love can last!
Some say their love's immortal,
And then they pass away,
But I am immortal,
'less someone kills me with a headshot
(SFX: BOOM!)
Loving a zombie
You think it's sick
I hope those feelings
Will not stick
My skin may be peeling off,
My insides turned to mush,
But I assure I am every inch
The man I always was
BACKUP ZOMBIES:
(Zombies are very well endowed)
ZOMBIE CROONER:
It's not necrophilia,
It's un-necrophila,
and there's no social taboos against that
BACKUP ZOMBIES
There's never been a zombie plague before.
ZOMBIE CROONER:
And if you let me in your home
If you let me call you my own
I'll show you how strong zombie love can be.
Just say yes
We'll never part
You're the one to whom I
give my heart
(Music stops abruptly as the CROONER reaches into his chest, rips out his heart, and offers it to the GIRL, who runs away screaming.)
CROONER: (spoken) Did I come on too strong?
