Postively, Mister Zuckerberg? Absolutely Mr. Page

by Frank Riccobono

Larry Page encounters Mark Zuckerberg after his senate testimony (in the style of the old Vaudeville act, Gallagher and Shean).

P—It's Mister Zuckerberg!
Z—Mmhmm
P—It's Mister Zuckerberg!
Z—Hello!
As I live, why it's my old pal Mister Page.
P—How long have you been here?
Z—It’s been far too long, I fear.
P—How did you get the Senate so enraged?

Z--Oh Mister Page, Oh Mister Page
I know just how to get out of this cage.
Tell them all what laws to write,
Which my lawyers then can fight.
P--Positively, Mister Zuckerberg?
Z--Absolutely, Mister Page!

P—Oh Mister Zuckerberg.
Z—Mmhmm
P—Oh Mister Zuckerberg!
Z—Hello!
P—I hear that you have something you regret.
With some lines of PHP,
You have doomed our privacy,
But you haven’t changed your business model yet.

Z--Oh Mister Page, Oh Mister Page
Our website’s made for folks of every age.
They’ll make friends forevermore,
And they’ll build a great treasure.
P—What, their friendship, Mister Zuckerberg?
Z—No, their data, Mister Page!

P—Oh Mister Zuckerberg.
Z—Mmhmm
P—Oh Mister Zuckerberg!
Z—Hello!
P—Last night I saw some fake news in my feed.
Though you’ve tweaked your algorithms,
There are still some problems with ‘em,
When you try to tell your users what to read.

Z--Oh Mister Page, Oh Mister Page
I hope that I can your fears assuage.
We’ve done all that we can do,
But *I* still see fake new too.
P—What, on politics, Mister Zuckerberg?
Z—No, that it’s our fault, Mister Page!

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This work by Frank Riccobono is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.